Learned something new this week

Apparently a consistent 28 day girl, like myself, can in fact be an entire week late without it meaning anything. This is new to me. It's also heartbreaking, but not devastating. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing. Miracle child means it was a long shot the first time around.


I'm not going to go on, because I'm not walking down that road again. One year. That's it. No more. I think that's a good way to look at it. There's no reason to keep going after that. Just try, put in a decent effort, and if nothing happens within the year, then quit, move on, close that chapter. At least if ever asked the question of why there are no siblings, I will be able to say that we tried, but it never happened.

It's just that I don't want our little guy to miss out on anything. I want to offer him the world, ya know? Will he be okay without a sibling? Is he even sure at 2 years, 7 months that he knows what he's talking about when he says he does?


I'm so completely confused right now. I just bit Joe's head off for nothing in particular, so he is back in bed cuddling with Ry.


We've been dipping our toes, testing the water. I don't want to just dive in, afraid of the unknown. Given our history, I don't see any other option. I don't however, want to become consumed by this and miss out on any moments with our little miracle. Does that make sense? I've been fine with dipping my toes up until this month. For someone who is not ever this late, it adds hope and excitement and possibilities. It makes you wonder what else you could have done. Ya know? Why not be proactive? Why? Again, I do NOT want to become consumed with it. There's no point- we have our child.


Ugh. Back and forth.