For myself
There are so many other things I could be doing right now; cleaning, showering, playing with my dogs, exchanging clothes, cleaning and reorganizing my classroom. I'm sure there's more, but that's what I had on my plate for today. Yet, here I sit.
I want to get out and do stuff, live my life the way a woman in her mid-twenties should without kids. It just doesn't happen. I have all of these fun plans, but then something holds me back. I think it's depression, or a fear to move on and not deal with the situation at hand: infertility.
There is no easy way to explain how I feel. I feel many different ways about the inability to conceive a child. It really just depends on the day, or even more so yet, the minute!
What I need and will do from here on out is quit telling people about it. They will never understand and that is not their fault. Good for them, to have children, or at least have the ability to have children, and for free nonetheless! That's great for them, and starting today, I will quite bringing them down.
How selfish of me to be that way. In all fairness and honesty, I didn't realize just how bad I was until Christmas Day. That's when I got "informed". I say and do things out of desperation. I see no "out" for us in this situation.
So, here I am to tell you that the complaining and self pity stops today. I will work it out BY MYSELF, and hopefully with Joe, but no one else. You'll never hear any of it again.
I am sorry for bringing everyone down. For I am a desperate woman, who just wants what so many take for granted.
